Everyone has at least that one toxic friend they avoid running into. Nasty people like that can cause unnecessary stress and turmoil in your life.
These awful friends aren’t quite obvious to the eye at first. The tension can happen and build up slowly until it manifests in your mental and physical health.
Toxic friends mask their personalities very well. Your conversations can start pretty caring and harmless until they start inflicting pain on your GDDM soul. Afterward, they’ll start to criticize, deceive, gossip, bully, or resent you for just being you. And what I hate personally the most – smart shamers.
How to know if someone is toxic
In the first place, toxic people kinda defy logic. They’re pretty much unaware that their negativity has already affected a lot of people around them. Others seem to be happy creating chaos in another person’s life. Not to mention, toxic people highly crave drama. Either way, you need to ditch them right now.
How to tell someone if she or he is toxic? Here are some signs:
• They don’t take responsibility for their actions. When something bad happens to them – mostly an outcome of what they did previously – they’ll find ways to blame other people or you. Furthermore, they revel in being victimized by the situation and find excuses or irrational rationalizations just to get out of the picture.
For example – a petty one, that is – a friend’s mom found out that her child is being kicked out of the program for playing too much hooky. As a result, this toxic friend blamed his friend for telling mommy dearest and not stopping him whenever he played hooky.
• They pull you down when they’re down. If your toxic friends are going down in a rut, trust me, they’ll take you down too. For example, this girl got into a fight with another group of girls because she said and did, and… let’s just say it didn’t end well. This toxic friend dragged my name into their fight and made a story about me, so that this group of girls, who I really never met and knew in my whole life, will also target me.
Another example, a friend – let’s call her PJ – flunked the Accountancy program. She spread lies about me that I flunked too, despite everyone knowing that I passed the program.
All things considered, toxic friends will bully and gossip behind your back to make themselves feel better. They are so not worth the time to be with.
• They like to use you. Friendship is a give-and-take relationship. However, toxic people will only use you for their own advantage and will scurry away if you’re the one who needed help.
How do you say that again? They’re only loyal to you because they benefit something.
• They like to manipulate you. Strangely enough, toxic people can’t even control their lives! Oh, wait – that’s not strange at all. This manifestation projects on how they handle the people around them.
They want to control others because (a) they want power, (b) they’re looking for someone to do their dirty deeds; and, (c) they want something from you. There can be plenty of reasons they want to do that. To sum up, the more people they control, the happier they get.
• They don’t respect boundaries. In fact, they want to see chaos on another person’s life because theirs aren’t that swell either. Respecting the boundaries of other people (even if you don’t like them) is a sign of maturity. On the contrary, toxic people act childish and thrive in an environment where they like to violate that.
From stealing and bullying, to forcing you to something you don’t want to do – well, you name it.
You might have experienced one of the few signs stated above. Don’t you know their actions can manifest on you physically too? You can go bonkers for telling on your friend, but little did you know their toxicity can grow into something worse on you?
Here’s how a toxic friend stresses you out
Staying longer with a toxic friend is bad for your mental and emotional wellbeing. Likewise, their prickly attitude adds unnecessary stress to your already amped, problematic life. But how far can their zingers get to you?
1. You’ve become paranoid when avoiding them. Though it’s not a healthy way to handle the situation, if you find yourself avoiding these toxic friends and the people also associated with them, then you’re clearly stressed out. Under those circumstance, you avoid taking their text, calls, emails – and, even blocking them from Facebook, too!
2. You feel drained just after seeing them. Perhaps their presence become too much for you to handle, that even seeing them drains your life energy. Healthy friendships should inspire happiness, not contempt. If you find yourself rolling your eyes and walking in another direction, then they’re probably too much to handle for you.
3. Causing problems with your other relationships. A toxic friend won’t let you have fun with other people. Generally speaking, they’d even take you away from your own family. “Listen, your Pa is hysterical for not letting you party until 4 AM. You should stay with me.”
4. You have to hide things. When I say hide, you either hold information from your toxic friends or hide information from other people like your family. Walking on eggshells is never fun when you have to hide certain information from either party. For example, you hold good information from your toxic friend so she won’t pull you down. On the other hand, you can also hide a secret from your family and friends like you stole items from a store with your toxic friend.
5. You experience physical symptoms and health problems. Who knew “pain in the neck” can be so literal? In fact, toxic friends can make you physically ill because you’re stressing out. You get headaches, fever, stomachache, or nauseous around them. It’s sickening. And what they do is really making you literally sick.
Toxic friendship can cause mental stress, but it’s up to you dealing with those kinds of people. If things go sour with your friend, you need to start dealing with it now.
How to deal with toxic friends
Recognize the signs of toxicity. Many people hold on to bad friendships because they’re afraid of being alone. Instead, you should take responsibility for what you feel when staying with toxic people. Why would you allow that person to hurt you and end up hurting yourself, too?
Understand how you feel. You’ve been hurt. But, also, you don’t want to end the friendship because it’s nice to have someone around you. Even though they treat you poorly. But it’s alright to acknowledge those feelings and be angry at that someone.
Talk to your toxic friend. It may not be easy, but if you think you can salvage your friendship, try sitting down with that person. Let her know that what she did hurt you. If she recognizes what she has done and apologizes to you, chances are your friendship can still be saved. But that doesn’t all of her meanness is gone.
Suggest counseling or help. Have you heard the phrase, “hurt people hurt people?” A broken person would likely stir someone else’s life because they live in a chaotic world themselves. They project those emotions in a very hurtful way that they can’t seem to control or be aware of.
End the friendship if there’s nothing you can do. If you’ve tried your best but they still won’t change their ways, then it’s better to end that friendship. Even though it hurts, you have to let them go for your own sanity’s sake. Remember, if that person is toxic; expect some retaliation or a backlash.
Here’s a bonus article clip –
How to deal with people you don’t like
No matter how optimistic of a person you are and how you always want to find the good in other people, there will always be a particular person with whom you won’t get along. By all means, it’s that toxic ex-friend you’re trying to avoid.
You must understand that this doesn’t make you a bad person. Sometimes, you connect with some people instantly and sometimes you don’t. Likewise, s
Here are a few tips on how to deal with people you don’t like:
• Well, you’ve tried your best. So, accept it!
• Just treat the people you don’t like in a civil and positive manner.
• Bear with them; it’s only for a short period. This too shall pass!
• If something about the person you don’t like triggers you, try taking your mind off of it. Think about your loved one at home or your cat or how you want to paint the wall in your room.
• It’s good to voice out your feelings in a polite manner. Not in an accusatory manner with abusive words.
• If you are in a situation where interaction with the person you don’t like is very likely, keep your conversation brief. Or make an excuse to use the bathroom or pretend that you’re getting late.
• If someone you don’t like starts talking – ignore.
• Don’t lose your cool with them. Because then you’ll end up being the bad and out-of-control mean person.
• Don’t let them get to your head. Always take control of your emotions and don’t let them have an effect on you.
• Do not stoop to their level. Always calm yourself before you say something that you’d expect the person you don’t like to say.
At the end of the day, it is you who decides whether to let a particular person annoy you or not. So don’t waste your precious time and energy engaging with them or thinking about them.
Always be the bigger person in such a situation. Stay away from toxic people and take certain measures to keep them away. Kill them with kindness.
