Happiness is the feeling of contentment and fulfillment that comes from being in a state of well-being, both physically and emotionally. However, amid our busy everyday lives, it can be easy to lose sight of what brings us joy and happiness. Here are useful and simple tips on how to be happy.
Enhance your relationships.
Humans are social beings, and multiple studies have shown that social connection is the most important factor that affects happiness. An 80-year-long study in Harvard found that relationships with spouses, family members, friends, and community members are what makes people happy constantly. On the contrary, isolation, the study’s current director Dr. Robert Waldinger said, is a mood buster.
But maintaining quality relationships is hard work. You have to make an effort to communicate with those you love and learn how to be happy. Deliberately choose to talk to them, whether face-to-face or over video call.
But limit your exposure to toxic people.
But what about the people who suck the life out of you? If you’ve ever had a coworker, friend, or family member who constantly gossips, complains, or trauma dumps on you, you know that can cause sadness and anxiety.
According to University of Wisconsin psychologist Shilagh Mirgain, toxic people can be damaging to the productivity of those around them, leaving others emotionally drained, sad, and discontent. Other studies also show that our words, feelings and thoughts affect the words, feelings and emotions of others up to the third degree of separation.
So, how to be happy, consider limiting your exposure to and setting boundaries with toxic people.
What if my cat is my only family?
Unfortunately, I have no answer for that because research on human-animal interactions is relatively new. Several researches have shown that interacting with animals can decrease cortisol (the “stress hormone”) levels, reduce the feeling of being alone, provide emotional support, and improve your mood. However, as a fur-parent myself, I know that some of my happiest days were spent with my dog Inoo.
Be kind.
UC Riverside researchers found that engaging in small, random acts of kindness everyday can improve your happiness. These deliberate acts to do good do not have to be huge or costly – even greeting the person at the door or making coffee for someone. Doing acts of kindness, teaching people how to be happy, can improve your depression and anxiety.
Happiness brought about by doing kind things stems from the basic human need to help others, says Emiliana Simon-Thomas of Berkley. We feel good when we know that someone else feels good because of us.
Count your blessings.
A 2015 study by the University of Pennsylvania found that writing down the things you’re thankful for and why they happened leads to long-term improvements in happiness. At the end of the day, remember three things that made you grateful on your notes app, a piece of papers, or your journal or planner. The point of the exercise is to train yourself to remember the good things instead of focusing on the bad.
In addition, here are science-backed reasons why you should practice gratitude and how to be happy, curated by The Irish News:
- It makes you more likable (2014).
- It strengthens the connection between partners (2010).
- It can make you feel healthier (2013) and improve your heart rate (2015).
- It can improve your psychological health (2015).
- You sleep better (2011).
- It makes you feel kinder and less aggressive (2012).
- It can help cope with trauma and foster resilience (2003).
Be present.
Multiple researches have shown the incredible effects of mindfulness to one’s mental well-being. Mindfulness, according to the American Psychological Association, “can help people avoid destructive thoughts or automatic habits and responses by learning to observe their thoughts, emotions, and other present-moment experiences without judging or reacting to them.”
Mindfulness helps you focus on the present moment instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.
There is a verse from the Christian Bible that I always come back to:
“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, KJV)
This line never fails to remind me that everything happens in its due time, so there’s no use to reliving the past or thinking of the future. When I’m sad, this reminds me that it’s because this is my time to be sad and this is not going to last forever. So, I’ll learn how to be happy, too.
Be kind to yourself, too.
Finally, it is important to be kind to yourself. This can be the most difficult part in some people’s pursuit of happiness.
I love this all-encompassing definition of self-compassion by Neff (2016): “being open to and moved by one’s own suffering, experiencing feelings of caring and kindness toward oneself, taking an understanding, non-judgmental attitude toward one’s inadequacies and failures, and recognizing that one’s experience is part of the common human experience.”
According to a 2021 study in Pakistan, people’s ability to have empathy is highly dependent on their self-compassion. A lot of times, our sadness and discontent come from our lack of compassion for ourselves. We can be hypocritical and judgmental of our own appearance, past, and life circumstances. This lack of self-compassion can make us feel as if our life has less value, making us unhappy. This can also hinder our understanding of other people’s experiences, thereby limiting our ability to put ourselves in their shoes.
Here are ways you can show yourself self-compassion:
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
- Use forgiving and endearing language on yourself.
- Allow yourself to feel sad, and forgive yourself for your negative feelings.
- Embrace both your strengths and weaknesses.
- Choose to not live for outside validation.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.
- Reach out to other people.
Resources:
- Neff, K. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2, 223-250
