Emotional invalidation at work is not healthy. It damages our well-being and reduces us to making faulty choices in the context of our careers. Did your employees have an emotional breakdown at work? Are they feeling drained all the time? Why did Karen have that emotional outburst all of a sudden? When was the last time you’ve connected with your colleagues?
Emotion is a force to reckon with – even at the workplace. As long as we are alive and breathing, we will experience emotions. They don’t intend to dictate how we live our lives, but rather how we respond to those feelings. Validating our emotions in the office or online during the pandemic is challenging.
Sometimes, people brush away our feelings and make to seem ugly and irrational.
What is emotional invalidation?
It is the act of invalidating someone. People imply that someone who cannot handle an emotion is “sensitive.” Coworkers use this to avoid listening or trying to help a person who is experiencing stress.
Emotional invalidation is also present in the workplace – either with others or yourself. Invalidating someone’s feelings is hard if that person’s identity is in question.
With emotional invalidation, one person fails to see, recognize, accept, or identify another. Instead, they attempt to belittle the person by questioning the emotions they feel. They do this because of beliefs or ideals that they wish to keep hidden.
The pandemic is taking a toll on our feelings and some people are invalidating them
Stress in the office has always been a source of worry, but the COVID-19 situation has amplified the emotional distress organizations are facing. Employees complain about their workers’ mental health as a result of the coronavirus epidemic, as many working individuals are experiencing uncertainty.
Employees are under a lot of stress and going through a lot of changes like:
- Worries on employment security.
- Difficulty working from home.
- Juggling family duties.
When workers are on-site, the changes might be difficult to observe, let alone when overseeing remote workers. Recurrent health problems, elevated anger or agitation, persistent grief, excessive anxiety, poor sleep patterns, suicidal thoughts, and risky behavior can all raise red flags for employers.
What makes emotional invalidation worse?
Empathy fails in the workplace. In some organizations, employers will hurl unpleasant, and even wrong, sayings. It is those moments when people feel a subtle chill running through their bones. Or does not care.
As in many of the examples of invalidation, the company will suffer. This is notable when companies are ill-equipped to cope with employees and managers.
Emotional invalidation may not usually be direct. Coworkers will avoid expressing emotion if they can by lying and avoiding explanations. Also – avoiding communication, avoiding emotional responses, and more.
Coworkers may not also express empathy and often sidestep the relationship. For example, they avoid sharing the truth due to any number of things like anxiety, depression, and dissatisfaction.
Why do people invalidate their feelings and others’?
Is there a secret motive that drives many to feel hurt but cannot articulate what it is about themselves? What gives them the power, strength—and control over individuals they deem unworthy?
The reason why we have such fear in our hearts is at the base level. It’s this same basic feeling of emptiness that leads us down a path of self-destruction. “I’m not good enough.” Our needs go unmet as well. We seek approval from those around us.
There are three reasons, depending on who the person is and what the situation is. For some, their sadness or emotional distress is so terrible, it makes them avoid others. But others also attempt to evade their sadness or grief because it feels so alienating. Emotional invalidation makes the person feel worse as it denies them from talking about their distress.
Consequences of emotional invalidation
- Problems managing emotions
- Issues with personal identity
- Mental health
- Social stigma
- Creates a barrier to unhealthy feelings, behaviors, and social relationships
How to deal with someone who is psychologically invalidating you
1. Set boundaries
This is the best way to deal with people who are doing this to you. Set boundaries. If someone asks you out one time, and you don’t feel like it, say, “Thanks, but I can’t go out with you again” and leave it at that. If someone is attempting to push you, tell them to stop.
Explain that if you do go out with them, you need to set the boundaries. Or cutting off contact after two weeks, or whatever. Saying, “I don’t want to see you” is not going to get you anywhere. Saying, “I’m not comfortable with this” is more effective.
2. Take control
You are in charge of setting the limits on what you can do for the person, and what your responsibilities are to them. You can’t manage them, nor can you control them.
They are going to do what they do, and as much as you would like to run them into the ground, you have to accept that you can’t. When you take control of what is going on, it allows you to handle it in a way that you feel comfortable with.
3. Find a mentor
Look for a mentor who will teach you how to deal with a person who is invalidating you. Their guidance will be invaluable in how to deal with someone who is invalidating you.
4. Take care of yourself
To take control of what you can, you need to take care of yourself. Find healthy outlets, and find a way to take care of your mind, body, and soul. You may have to look for ways that allow you to take care of yourself, and allow you to take care of others.
These may include taking time out for you each day. Or finding ways to engage in hobbies that allow you to take care of yourself. Learning how to do these things give you the power that you’re looking for.
5. Keep things in perspective
This applies to the situation that you’re dealing with, and it applies to life as a whole. Everyone gets sick, some of us more than others. Some of us have more health issues than others. Some people struggle with mental illness, some people struggle with depression. People are going to have setbacks. Be okay with setbacks.
In the same way, keep things in perspective. Just because you’re not getting what you want from this person does not make you a bad person. Everyone goes through tough times in life, and everyone has things they’re dealing with.
